Article written by Claire Stroebel.
I haven't dated online in over ten years. Yes, it's been around that long and no, I'm not that old. Don't be rude. But it has come to my attention that dating, particularly online dating, has become a minefield – and yes, we all know that I mean for women. Of course, #notallmen. However, the Internet is very skewed towards the harassment of women. Whether it be the humble forum or the degrading porn, being a woman online is tough (offline is a whole other piece to write). Today we're here to talk about online dating, though I have given you an idea of the direction I'm heading in.
Okay, so online dating is a crock of sh*t, but not in its entirety. As I have said in my other articles, ad nauseum, times are changing. And they're meant to change. Society isn't meant to stagnate, as some people would have you believe. We learn, we grow, we share more –although, hearing the stories about dick pics is sometimes too much. In a lot of cases, the shift for a lot of people to online dating has been a good thing. I have friends who've met the love of their lives through proper dating websites, and even through online gaming. It's a whole new ball game.
We may get complaints from the older generation that it's not normal for us to meet kindred spirits this way. It's close minded. The best part of online dating is that it's unnecessary to even leave your home. You're comfortable, you're relaxed, possibly even more yourself than someone who's spent hours in front of a mirror (which some people enjoy, which is fine). This works out perfectly for someone with anxiety. With a little bit of it myself, I totally get it. The whole process of going out, spending too much on drinks, standing around awkwardly before approaching people; forget me, it must be awful for someone with a full-blown anxiety disorder. And obviously not just anxiety disorders, many mental illnesses come with a fear of the outdoors or crowded spaces. Online dating eliminates that.
Online dating is also a good, if imperfect, filter. Sure, you can't tell a person's personality perfectly from some terrible selfies and a bio that sounds like it was written by a teenage boy with a penchant for anime, but we still rely a lot on our eyes, and our gut. We still need to be attracted to someone, even if that's a bit vain (and there are some people who aren't focused on beauty). Ultimately, our instinct isn't too bad. Ladies do have more trouble with this – I think that we're all clear on which gender is usually the target of victim blaming – but for the most part, we can be quite discerning about who we end up talking to.
In my research, I've come across a dating app called Bumble, which focuses on the choices of women. When you make a match on Bumble, the woman must make the first move, or the match goes away after 24 hours. There are same-sex options of course, and I'm not sure who goes first in that scenario, but it's neat. There are still going to be problems, of course – some guys just never get the idea – but by all accounts, it's not a bad system. But I haven't gone into the crock of sh*t part. Online dating isn’t for everyone.
Most of the details in this article I have gotten from other people, since I am currently partnered. I did try online dating a few times and it was awkward, to say the least. People are not nice. My main experience was that there is only reason to look for someone online, and it's simply to find sex, which is disheartening. I get that when you're going out to the pub, most people are there just to hook up, rarely to meet the love of their lives, but with online you would think of it as a last resort, a last-ditch attempt to finally reach someone.
You would think that there would be some human decency about the whole business – with sites like Ashley Madison, it's not terribly hard to believe – but then again, women will tell you that the horrible behaviour is nothing new, and they're right. Online dating is rife with terrible people, to the surprise of no one. It's hard to find the perfect mate when people are never who they say they are (particularly men, but even women). You would think that with a semblance of anonymity, people would be a little more forthcoming. It seems that logic does not prevail.
It doesn't seem right. Dating, in and of itself, should be a happy experience. We know that real life doesn't work that way, but shouldn't we strive to make everyone happy? What benefit does harassment bring to online dating? Or making up lies about how much travel you do? It's just going to steer more and more people away from it, and then no one wins. I'm not saying it's going to wipe out the human race because we can't meet our true love on the Internet, but it does make people feel unsafe, and that should never be cause for celebration when people are genuinely searching for love. What happened to, 'you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'?
So, it's not really all a crock of sh*t, but there is a lot of the stuff to wade through. You still must be careful, as there are things like phishing scams, or people just trying to steal your money. I would be safe on a date with someone I met through friends, but with online dating, who knows who you're seeing? There are benefits to online dating, and I know that it's helped people, but we still need to approach it like any other form of dating. So yes, it can be a crock of sh*t, as the actual chances of meeting your one true love is not great. But we've got to try, right? Although, my advice? Be careful out there, use protection, block and report.
Comments