Article written by Ashleigh Lowry and Rory Hawkins.
Welcome back to the second edition of Paint the Bookclub! As the university semester reached its climax, so too did thoughts and emotions. Hearts fell into stomachs, esteem at our feet, and hands into the nearest bag of lollies. We know - pretty routine. But how to get over all these mental hangups? By reviewing a self-help book, of course!
This month, Rory and Ashleigh read The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by blogger and columnist, Mark Manson. Though hesitant to begin with, we found Subtle Art an odd little gem. Manson might be crass here and there, but he explores the benefits and reasoning behind giving zero f*cks to the little things in life.
Rory:
First and foremost: don’t let the title put you off. Yes, it reads like another “basic” in-your-face self-help book. Whether you like it or not, there’s a gimmick in saying you’re going to tell the facts as they are. I thought so the very first time I saw the book, well before getting a copy. It’s punchy, but undeniable. Then again, the marketing behind self-help books always demand a good-intention laced hook.
That said, Manson’s reality checks are the best gimmick I’ve ever seen. And let’s be honest, you’re never going to miss neon-orange. For me, the fact there’s no cult-like portrait grinning anywhere inside cements the difference. Honestly, I’m not a big fan of the genre as a whole: how many times can the same bareboned ideas be published?
Yet the blurb quips “instead of trying to turn lemons into lemonade, we should learn to stomach lemons better” - and for me that struck a chord.
Ashleigh:
Just reading the chapter titles made me a little uncertain of what was in store. They all sounded so negative. The first chapter is just “Don't Try” - where do you even go from there?
But once I started reading, I found that although at first they sounded negative, there were actually all these positive connotations to them. “Don’t Try” became “Don’t try to reach for the unobtainable” and “Don’t try to delude yourself with grandeur and unrealistic thinking.”
Rory:
He’s self-aware enough to backpedal within the first few sections: ‘not giving a f*ck doesn’t mean not caring about anything. That would make you a psychopath’. Manson knows that at times how his tone can sound super cynical, but the intention is reality check. The trick is how he spins it off as witty observations.
Ashleigh:
I agree, Manson’s sense of humour helped break up all the hard-hitting truths he tries to tell us. It’s dry and witty, indiscriminately striking annoying old ladies to the Star Wars prequels. It’s not so much that nothing is off-limits as he says whatever’s on his mind. The comedic pacing lets you laugh and think in regular intervals - until you’re thinking about why you’re laughing and laughing at how you overthought it.
A favourite bit: Subtle Art has one of the most casual retellings of Buddha’s Enlightenment that I've ever read. Manson doesn’t immediately name-drop whose life he’s describing - the result ends up sounding like a second hand account of a friend’s drunken contiki trip overseas.
Rory:
I really liked how Manson did that. For almost every chapter or point about how stressed we make ourselves over an aspect of life, he already had a genuine example of how it had played out in his life or someone else’s. It lent credence to what he’s saying
Personally, I found the Buddha one pretty vanilla - suffering in the human condition, how we suffer, choosing how to suffer - we’ve all taken Religious Studies.
The more contemporary examples were understandably better at showing how much value we hold over success or proving ourselves right. The story of guitarist Dave Mustaine felt really poignant. Dismissed from a rock band, we went on to found his own, Megadeth, who’ve sold millions of records worldwide. Except the band he was thrown out of was Metallica, who’ve sold millions more… For all his success, Mustaine still compares himself to what could have been.
Ashleigh:
It’s this kind of content that delivers the hard truths that made me think about how I myself deal with situations in my life. Though it sounds harsh to begin with, Manson gives well needed advice centred around letting go. I liked how he talked about we as people only having a ‘limited amount of f*cks to give’.
We have to choose what we place our focus, importance and time on. If we misplace it on things that are not that important we cause unneeded problems for ourselves. Focus on the real important things in your life.
Equally, the ‘Feedback Loop of Hell’ was something of a lightbulb moment for me when I realise just how often I do that in real life. It was really great to have someone give it a name and a simplified explanation.
Rory:
I agree, the ‘Feedback Loop of Hell’ occasionally crops up in my life as well; giving a simple name to it and talking about why it’s so detrimental felt so good.
You can tell from his writing that Manson has a lot of personal experiences and pent-up thoughts about all these subjects. Backed with a little research into what makes us tick. I found a few parallels with some taught psychology. One of them: life isn’t characterised by the positives but by the negatives - that’s not what we call the human condition. Hedonism isn’t always that one gold robot from Futurama, forever lounging back with a bunch of grapes.
Modern hedonism is almost this chasing of short-term highs or unattainable ideals. We shouldn’t let the pursuit of some ultimate happiness take up so much time in our thoughts. Life is about a great many things, and working hard is one of those. As with his blog, Subtle Art is a passion project - in just how conversational everything reads, you’ll know Manson really cares about what he’s saying.
So what did we feel most strongly about in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck?
Whilst both skeptical from a distance, by the end we both agreed that Manson’s approach and doses of reality provided a genuinely refreshing and much needed addition to the genre. Rather than preach for a world of “true happiness”, we as individuals need consider how that ultimate goal is actually unhealthy. At an extreme, it’s self-destructive.
Manson talks about the ‘limited amount of f*cks we have to give’ in the finite time we have walking around, doing stuff, and not being dead. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is, perhaps, a book you should give a f*ck about reading sometime in the near future.
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