Article written by Michelle Contarino.
This past week, like any other good university student, I've been finishing up assessments. Between the two seamless activities of checking my phone and braining myself on my laptop keyboard while trying to write another five hundred words, one question kept crossing my mind. That question: Are any of these words even relevant?
Now, you may be asking how this is even relevant to the article. Well, it is and it isn't. Isn't that just the greatest thing about irrelevancy? No? Either way, it's something these ten films have in common.
Welcome to the top 10 irrelevant deaths in film!
10. The Wicker Man (2006) (Edward Malus)
Yes, I'm addressing this horrendous remake. Particularly, the death of the film's protagonist Edward Malus, played by yell-don't-tell actor Nicholas Cage. Although I have noticed that this scene has become a meme, a terrible one at that, I do believe that these memes are the only credible entertainment value this absurd and irrelevant death has given viewers.
The entire film is just one big pile of irrelevancy, in my opinion (and others', if Rotten Tomatoes has anything to say).
So, you've read this and are thinking that you absolutely must satisfy your curiosity? By all means, go ahead. However, I'd suggest watching the original 1973 film that stars Christopher Lee first. If you don't think that's a legitimate reason to prefer the original over the remake, I don't know what to tell you.
9. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) (Ludwig)
I've included a comedy. But why? After all, aren’t comedy films safe spaces where directors are permitted to include those pesky, irrelevant deaths without any fear of judgement? To some extent. This death scene is a perfect, shining example of where a comedy director surpassed that extent and went a little bit too far.
Ludwig is shot with a cufflink dart, falling over the side of a stadium and landing down below, only to get hit by an oncoming bus. The death doesn’t stop there, though. Oh no. He continues to get run over by a steamroller before finally, last but not least, being stomped on by a US Marching band. Nevertheless, the dialogue that follows his demise is quite entertaining.
"Oh Frank! It's horrible. It's so horrible!"
"I know, Ed."
"My father went the same way."
8. World War Z (2013) (Andrew Fassbach)
Ah, yes. The accidental suicide. Unlike Hannah in 13 Reasons Why, this guy didn't actually want to die. So why did he? Who knows, but I'd say for some good 'ol shock value (and maybe for a laugh or too).
Remember, when you're battling zombies, don't trip and fall and shoot yourself. Would not recommend.
7. Jurassic Park (1993) (Guy on the Toilet)
Got that right. This guy dies on the toilet. If that's not hilarious enough, he gets eaten by a gigantic T-Rex. His death does nothing to advance the plot. I mean, do we even know his name? I've just been calling him 'the toilet guy'.
Irrelevancy aside, we can surely assume that this poor guy s**t his pants.
6. Deep Blue Sea (1999) (Russel Franklin)
I call him Russel Franklin, but really, I think we all can admit we only see Samuel L. Jackson. We usually see him leading an action movie with his stern expression and foul mouth but in this film, we see him die rather unfortunately (and too soon).
I'm surprised his last word wasn't "motherf**ker", to be quite honest. Come on, that shark (and those directors) deserve it.
5. Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) (Eddie)
Really. How was Eddie's death relevant? Yes, Scott comes into the picture looking for his nephew, which is (surprise, surprise) Eddie, but does Scott's character do anything for the plot either?
What it all boils down to here is that Eddie's jealousy-fuelled homicidal death was for shock value (and a chance to have that 'Eddie didn't like his teddy' song included).
4. Final Destination 2 (2003) (Brian Gibbons)
Now, I'm a sucker for this film series. I mean, a series where death kills off people because they escaped its design? How cool is that, huh? This death, though? Not so cool. It is entirely irrelevant. Brian wasn't a main character, let alone part of death's hit-list until mid-film. If it weren't for the honourable mention at the end of the film, we wouldn't even remember he was pushed out of the way of that truck since, uh, he's not a main character?
The death was purely for shock value. Nothing more, nothing less.
3. The Mist (2007) (Multiple People)
You could argue and say that these deaths are relevant because they illustrate the horror and devastation life can bring, but from a literal standpoint, how were these deaths relevant? David shoots the group (including his own young son) with the remaining bullets, not having enough to shoot himself… only to discover seconds later that they all would have been rescued if they had just waited.
Sometimes it does pay to wait. Lesson learned.
2. Buried (2010) (Paul Conroy)
Yes, indeed. This film. I was at the edge of my seat, waiting for the heroic rescue and then… nothing. I felt like the climax (or the whole film in general) did not fit the ending. I understand that being buried alive is something that would kill you but, come on, isn't that just boring?
This death merely left me disappointed and wondering why I had wasted my time.
1. Jigsaw (2017) (Anna)
Some people might call this entire film irrelevant and, while I tend to agree, I believe Anna's death was the most irrelevant simply due to circumstance. The fact that she didn't figure out the gun's mechanism baffles me. Jigsaw gave her a not-so-subtle hint. I mean, even dumb 'ol Ryan got it. Not to mention the fact that she felt her life was more valuable after killing her own baby. That's just laughable.
Oh, wait, did I just crack the relevancy code here?
Let me know in the comments!
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