Article written by Claire Stroebel.
I love reading the paper. I would find myself as a young woman, trying to copy my mother as she masterfully flipped the paper around so that she could read it more easily. It’s a skill I still haven’t grasped.
But she would always read the horoscopes out to me and my sister. ‘For fun’ she says, giggling at the inaccuracy of her ‘personalised’ blurb. I never thought much about it then, but it bothers me now. Why, in a medium considered the realm of older generations, do we still have horoscopes sitting in our newspapers? Tucked in amongst more fulfilling time wasters like sudoku and Calvin and Hobbes comics.
The idea that something can predict our lives like that is laughable, and yet people put so much stock in them. Not only are they based on the opinions of someone who knows nothing of our struggles, there is literally no science behind them. Just because they use stars and planets billions of kilometres away as a ‘reference’ doesn’t mean that there is any academic merit hidden in their depths. Any study conducted so far has resulted in giving no support to horoscopes. You could say that there is magic in science, but there is no science in this magic. If there were any merit to planets and stars directing our lives, wouldn’t there at least be concrete evidence? Or at least, an influence bigger than say, how much sex we’re going to get the next time Mars is in retrograde?
I know that I may be offending some people with this article. There are those that hold a lot of respect for astrology through religious practices or personal belief. And that’s fine. Religion and science can, and should, coexist. I’m just curious as to why so many people with no religious or belief stock in astrology, continue to read their horoscopes for genuine application in their lives.
Which brings me to their vagueness. In a sizeable paragraph of my horoscope that I found, there was nothing of substance that I couldn’t figure out on my own. And it seems to be a theme that they pick out, because we all think about it all the time.
Self-improvement.
We’re all trying to improve ourselves; it’s kind of the point of life. To best fit our own description of a great person. To be healthy. To be fit. A lot of our ideas are shaped by society, but we all aspire to be, well, good. And horoscopes bank on that. They know that we have insecurities about our self-worth, and so they use language that makes it sound like they’re directing us. And then people kind of get suckered in. We don’t all make calls to the people who write these horoscopes, but we all seem to want to fit into the twelve categories, attach ourselves to a label. Perhaps it’s another way for us to connect. I think we need to find a better one.
But that’s not all. I think people read them because it makes them feel like someone else is control. That mistakes in their lives are out of their reach and they’re not accountable. And then they make major relationship decisions based on that information. It’s foolishness to think that someone you don’t even know, quoting pseudo-science (and it is, I checked), has any decent insight into your love life. If we really want to connect, or if we really want solid advice, we can get it for free from the people around us. Sure, it’s not one hundred percent accurate, but at least the people around you know you. Even for the small decisions that people base off horoscopes. YouTube would give better advice. Heck, even tumblr has its day.
I think that the problem with horoscopes, in their entirety, is this: they mean nothing. There is no basis in fact, there is no moral analogy to them, they’re just words on a page that try and make you feel like you’re reading something important. We’re better off reading those random Phantom comics if we want worldly advice.
I wouldn’t mind them so much if they served a purpose. But they just sit there, taking up valuable journalistic space. At least you get entertainment with the sudoku puzzle, flex the brain a little. Horoscopes are like the idiot boxes of the newspaper.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it were actual advice, keep it in the vague outline of the star signs if you will, but just give random advice. Like ‘go to the farmers markets to save money’ or ‘use white vinegar to clean windows’. I think that it would be a much better use of our time. Even if I missed out on hearing my mother’s wry giggle. Although reading that out loud, I might still get that.
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