Article written by Samuel Burnett.
“Long-distance relationships never work,” says every sit-com character ever.
In the land of television, long-distance relationships are nothing more than a way to write out a character without actually killing them off. They’ll have the big, emotional goodbye, then they’ll passionately embrace their love interest and promise that they “can make this work.”
There will be one final kiss, they will look back at their love interest, the music will swell dramatically and then, they will turn and get onto their bus/train/plane and leave, unlikely to ever return.
This trope is so common that TV Tropes has even named this occurrence “Put on a Bus.”
After years of having the message “long-distance relationships never work” constantly nailed into your brain, the thought of being in such a relationship can seem confronting but, don’t worry, I want to tell you that, yes, it can be done.
How do I know that? Because I did it. My girlfriend and I had nearly spent a combined nine months separated from one another as we were both on different hemispheres.
While we are now, once again, sharing a time zone, I would like to write out a few tips that might be helpful to anyone else in a similar predicament.
1. Set up regular times for dates
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, long-distance relationships have never been easier. While, once upon a time, separated lovers could only contact each other through letters that could take months to arrive at their destination, now it is possible to see your partner in real time via Skype, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, or one of the many other video chat programs out there.
With this advantage, it is essential that you make time for regular video chat dates. My girlfriend and I would normally try to make an hour to chat each day. While that may seem ambitious or difficult, it is important that you try to make that time for each other as it helps cement the idea that this relationship is real. You do have a girlfriend/boyfriend and you can see them regularly.
You need to keep in that mindset at all times.
My girlfriend and I would do things like see the same movie over the weekend and then talk about it afterwards, like you would with your physically present partner after an ordinary date.
Little things like that help give you a sense of normality in your relationship.
2. Making time for yourself
Now, while it is important to make time for your partner, it is also important that you make sure that they are not the only thing in your life. You should not allow yourself to be solely defined by a relationship to someone who is not currently there. It can make the rest of your life feel empty and unimportant and, trust me, that is no way to live.
Work on cultivating your friendships, go out and see movies, join group activities, throw yourself into your work (or studies if you’re a student).
For me, what really helped was working on this very website. It gave me a great sense of structure, as well as connection to other people. Working with everyone else on this site gave me friendships, as well as something as simple as human interaction. When you go from spending nearly every free second of your time with a single person and that person is suddenly gone, it really helps if you can find other people to spend your time with.
I also spent a lot more time with my family. I would take my sister out to South Bank on weekends to catch a movie and I also spent time with my Dad as he worked on the backyard, although, I am still a little miffed that he nearly crushed me with a tree he was cutting down.
There’s a reason why lumberjacks yell out “TIMBER!!!”, Dad.
If, occasionally, the time you are spending with other people means you miss one video chat, that is okay. You are allowed to have a life. Just make sure that you have told your partner you will be unavailable for a single night.
Which brings us to our next point.
3. Trust and communication is key
Even if you have the most perfect relationship that ever relationshipped (according to autocorrect, that word does not exist) it is understandable if you occasionally have feelings of doubt. Your partner is on the other side of the world and you probably have a working imagination, so it is perfectly alright if your traitorous mind conjures up horrible fantasies where she abruptly leaves you because she just happened to run into Henry Cavill who, immediately won over by her winning smile, asks her to run away with him to Hawaii and, because Henry Cavill is objectively the most handsome man on the planet, she immediately says yes, which is then followed by all the kids from high school pulling up in the same bus and laughing at you.
I may or may not have dreamed that.
The point is, you’re human and in a less than ideal situation, so if your mind jumps to the worst-case scenario just remind yourself why you trust them and then send them a message letting them know that you miss them.
Communication is key.
If you are feeling low about not seeing them, tell them. Odds are they are feeling the exact same feelings of doubt and loneliness, and the fact that you are sharing these feelings will help remove them.
4. Make sure they are worth it
It should go without saying that you can only have a long-distance relationship with someone that you trust. I have been involved with many people that I would never feel comfortable doing that with because, as my best friend loved to point out with a sense of gleeful smugness, I used to have terrible taste in partners.
But with Victoria, I love her, I trust her, and, more importantly, I like her.
Long-distance relationships can be hard but, if it is the right person, it can be worth it.
One year later, still going strong.
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